A Note on Safety

There are three general categories of safety in every sexual relationship. First, there is the physical safety of the couple. Do the positions stress the body? Is the bench going to crash under the weight of two people? Will security guards barge in on you and shout, “You can’t do that in a bakery!”? Take every precaution to ensure that your environment is safe and comfortable. If a particular position requires additional or more nuanced advice, you will find it here.

Next, I insist on sexual safety to protect the participants from sexually transmissible infections (STIs) and pregnancy. To that end, the discussion on safe sex should come long before either partner does. Talking about sex should focus on the advantages and disadvantages of sex at that particular moment and over time: One of us might get pregnant; both of us could have orgasms grand enough to float a battleship; we might regret never having tried that position; one of us entered the relationship with an infection and wants to do everything possible to prevent the other person from getting it too. Talk to a certified sex educator, counselor, or therapist about ways to make safe sex sexier. With imagination and confidence, you can discuss and have safe sex with ease.

Please note that you will not see any form of birth control or disease prevention pictured in the text or in any of the photos. This is not meant to suggest they are not important; on the contrary, we want you to follow the CDC’s guidelines. Please go to my website, www.ericmgarrison.com, for information on resources to make sex both safe and pleasurable.

Clients and clergy, baristas and brokers ask me what “abnormal sex” is, which leads to my final— and the most important—point on safety. The only abnormal form of sex is when coercion is present or consent is absent. Sex that is sanctioned by two people is the best sex. Minors and anyone who is intoxicated or under the influence of a mind-altering substance cannot consent. Please obtain legal consent before having sex. Consent is a coupon, which either partner can revoke at any time—even during sex. Make sex sensual and consensual, cohesive but not coercive.